Yup, That’s right. We reviewed a Domino’s Pizza this past week. We are officially losing our minds. But, I have to admit…Domino’s had piqued my interest as of late with their aggressive media campaign, bragging of a revamped recipe. I mean, I knew it was going to be awful going in, but I wanted to know just how awful it would be. I walk over to Elana’s spot to flush my 3 mile jog down the toilet.
Service is prompt – the pizza arrives in literally 29 minutes after Elana places the call. Opening the box yields a wildly uninspiring surprise; cookie cutter like, dry, flat-out ugly looking slices. Luckily, I’m so hungry that I’ll eat just about anything.
You know how certain smells and music bring you back in time? Well, it turns out that tastes do too. Last time I had a Domino’s pizza was in college. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for a pie or two to find its way to the fraternity house after guzzling a few thousand beers on a weekend evening. In Lewisburg, desperate times would call for desperate measures. As I bite into the “new and improved” Domino’s pie… not much has changed. The tomato sauce still packs that harsh, stinging punch. The cheese is dry, and cheap tasting. The crust – well, to be fair, the crust is, actually, different. It is injected with noticeable doses of garlic, butter and herbs. I’m not sure if this is an improvement or not but, to Domino’s credit, it is indeed different. Some of my bites actually tasted like buttered popcorn from a movie theater.
Admittedly, myself and Elana ate 7/8ths of the pie. I mean, it is just cheese, tomatoes and bread…. so don’t think THAT much less of us. But it pretty much sucked. And there was an awkward feeling in the air after it was all said and done. Maybe it was the grease that sat in our stomach. Maybe it was the fact that our dinner had just been wasted by this harsh tasting frisbee in a box. I think, however, it was disappointment.
See, i’m an optimistic fella. I still held out for closure during the final moments of (the runaway trainwreck known as) Lost, despite the countless warning signs to the contrary throughout that dreadful last season. I see the “light brown” in my occasional gray hairs. And I’d watch the CEO of Domino’s on these commercials and think, perhaps, maybe this guy was right. Maybe Domino’s could be edible after all. Like Rocky’s message to the Russians, change was indeed possible!
But this was one instance where my optimism was powerless. The pizza sucked. I wished sis a good night, and sprinted home in tears. ‘Til next time, I guess.